Missing. The. Dad. I. Never. Really. Had.

Laying here in bed- the time 12:38 am- on a school night, it comes as a shock to me that i wish i could lay my head on dads shoulder and just hear him say the words "i love you," just once. I dont think this is ever going to happen as i have waited my whole life for the day to come when it does. I havent seen, spoke to, texted, or even called my dad since about the beginning of august (unless u count his ONE text to me on my 18th bday saying only that -happy birthday) because he has never really acted like he wants to be in my life; or thats how it appears to me. As far back as i can remember, i dont remember him being a constant - just his unwillingness to act like my dad. I only have one picture of me and him together taken july 5, 2009 the day i moved from my dads back to my moms. Niether if us were smiling and it only pisses me off to think about how he has been in my sibling's life, but not mine. If you can see the picture, that is THE picture.. the only copy i have. .. whatever...... I need to sleep so thats it for now ... Questions? Requests for blog posts? -->> post them over here in the chat box and i will reply asap :) kay thankssh