what NOT to say to someone with an eating disorder

there are 3 main kinds of eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. there are also supposedly a million other types of disordered eating behaviors but my guess is that most of them Are within one or more of those three groups. thats just my guess...

have you ever wondered what kinds of things you shouldn't say to a person with an eating disorder? well, here's a couple of them. by the way, I am speaking from my experiences and the experiences of SOME of the people I have talked to In the past. if you are reading this and you know someone with an eating disorder, keep these things in mind but you don't need to walk on eggshells around he/she. sooner or later they are going to have to deal with triggers but please just be cautious.

1) "your not underweight so your not in danger and/or struggling with an eating disorder." First of all, that's not true. the STEREOTYPICAL eating disordered patient has anorexia and is just skin and bones. when someone thinks of eating disorders, the first thing they think of is anorexia. however, a lot of the time, a person is not underweight but may still be in the danger zone. from my own experience, someone saying something like this means that I'm not doing a good enough job of starving myself, so I need to try harder. I need to more to get to my goal weight even if I haven't eaten for days. logically, it doesn't make sense but that is where an eating disordered mind is going to go.

2) "wow, you look great!" I understand that not everyone is aware of people tht have eating disorders and I don't expect everyone to think everyone may be struggling. however, if you know or think a person may have one, please try to not say stuff like that. for me, its sorta like telling me I was fat before I started. yea, yea, I know it's totally the opposite of number 1, but it still feels like your saying "you look great now, wait until u lose even more weight!" .

3) don't mention anything about what that person is eating. i can only speak for me, but i am always fighting it every time I eat. it means that I am going against what my disordered mind is telling me to do and quite often, that's not easy. when someone is more recovered, this may not bother them. but if they are like me, and they are still struggling, this may not be the right subject during conversation.

4) don't try not to talk about diets that you or someone you know are trying. like I said, there's no need to feel like your walking on eggshells all the time, but this is definitely a tough subject for anyone struggling with an ed. for me, it's hard to realize that I'm no longer able to do "healthy diets." My kind of diet is unhealthy and could kill me if I don't get a handle on it. when I hear people talking about diets, I automatically think "oh I could try that" ... but I can't. diets are a no-go when your trying to recover from an Ed. talking about it just makes Ed that more appealing, for me anyways.

I'm not sure if that would help anyone. everyone is different and everyone has there own triggers. people get triggered different ways. if you are reading this and trying to help someone with an eating disorder, just try to be there for them. make sure they know you care and help when you can but ultimately they have to make the decision for themselves.

I was right all along....

I wrote this as a blog post on the 14th of march... I was right...

I feel so alone. Like my life is falling apart at the seams and theres nothing i can do to stop it. I hate being in texas for more than a week and i have been stuck here for 2. Now my mom is unreachable and i find myself scared that she is dead. The police are at my house in norman and im in texas. I wish i had not chosen to come down here. Now i have to wait and hope and pray that she is okay. This is not the first time that this has happened though. I remember that while doing the dishes one night in 2006 or 2007 that my dad came in and told me that my mom tried to commit suicide again. I remember being completely shocked that she did that again. I thought she was doing okay...i thought she was getting better. My dad walked in and told me this and then got something to drink and walked away like nothing happened. I remember being completely shocked and then terrified and then angry. I wanted to break every dish in the kitchen but instead i just cried a little and then sucked it up and acted like it didn't bother me. I do believe that was the time we hAd to go clean out her apartment. My grandpa, my brother and i took an exhausting trip to muskogee to pack up her things and move it to storage. Her apartment was a disaster area. Gross moldy dishes in the sink, dirty laundry everywhere, a desperately nasty bathroom. I can still see the apartment at times like these.

At first i wondered if i should be worried about this. After all, it is completely normal of my mom not to answer the phone. But its abnormal for no one to be able to reach her at all. Its abnormal that she didnt get her money out of the bank today like she usually does, and its abnormal for her to be unresponsive to me calling and leaving messages like "mom, pick up the phone...now.. Im getting worried. Im gonna call someone to check on you if u don't answer now or call me back asap!" she doesn't like anyone worrying and she doesnt ignore us unless something is seriously wrong. Please be okay mom, please.

grieving...

why do i always feel like im not grieving the "right way"? if im not in my eating disorder 24/7, im not doing it right. if im not crying all day everyday, im not doing it right. if im not completely lost over this all the time, im not doing it right. if i laugh and have fun, it means im forgetting that my mom just died. Why do i feel like i need to be torn apart everyday because of this. I had such a good relationship and i am 100% sure that she would NOT want me to have to fight myself about how i take the news and life without her. She would not want me to be at war with myself 24/7, so why do i insist on feeling like i have to be?

my eating behaviors have started to get bad again. i dont want to eat because i feel like If I do, I'm not grieving the "right way" ...

update:
I started a new school yesterday ... I hadn't cried about anything since my moms funeral.. but yesterday I broke down a little.. I can't imagine how I'm gonna do this without my mom... I can't fathom death. I don't know what it means to really die, but I guess anyone who is reading this doesn't know either.. the counselors kept saying "you are going to have to work hard but u can graduate this year I bet" and "you have been through so much lately" and "I'm here for you whenever you need to talk or anything" but I don't believe the last one... people have Said that to me before and that's the last thing they did. they were there for me for a while, but after that they got tired of being there and they wouldnt even talk to me anymore.. I don't want to talk to anyone or let anyone be there I just want to do all of this by myself. you know what else I hate!? "I'm so sorry for your loss" and "things will get better!" ... NO THEY WON'T! NOTHING WILL GET BETTER WITHOUT MY MOM! there is always going to be a giant hole in my heart from the huge piece of me that left when my mom died. I find myself wanting to call her and tell her about my day at school and how I stuck up for some ones sister when he said she was insane. I find myself thinking that she is going to walk in the room and hug me and tell me she loves me. but that's never going to happen and that's a FACT! I need to just figure this out. on my own. okay I'm just rambling...I'm getting of here.. bye guys