Suicide Prevention Week: How suicide attempts have affected my life..

Me: "Mom, please come swimming with us. Please!"
Mom: "I have to go to my meeting"
Me: "Can I go with you? Ill be quiet. You wont even know im there.."
Mom: "No, you cant go with me. Stay here with your brother and go swimming"
Me: "Will you come swimming with us when ur meeting is over?"
Mom: "Yes, Chelsea. I will go swimming with you after my meeting. I have to go now. I love you."
Me: "i love you too. Promise??"
Mom: "Yes. I promise. I have to go now before im late. I love you, bye"

I remember all too well the events of that day. My mom picked me and my brother up from school, and then took my brother to the YMCA across the street. I remember she was irritated more than she was before and i didnt know why. i wanted to somehow cheer her up and i wanted to spend time with her so i asked her to go swimming with my brother and i. Little did i know, it was more than just a bad day she was having. She was going to a NA meeting to take a bunch of Ibuprofen to try to kill herself. What she didnt think of was how that was gonna effect her 11 year old daughter and 15 year old son. Turns out that we didnt have anyone else to call or have pick us up from school so we were left outside at night just waiting for someone to pick us up. We just sat there waiting for hours until my moms NA sponsor came to pick us up. The first thing out of her mouth was "is there anything that you guys know of that your mom could have gotten ahold of to make her sick?" I was 11 at the time and i didnt know what she meant. I remember being confused when she told me what happened. I didnt understand why my mom would do such a thing. The next day, my brother and i were moved back to Texas with my dad. For the next two years, i didnt know if she was gonna try to kill herself again. I didnt know if i would have a mom next week. Luckily, my mom got better. it took her 2 years to get better the first time, but eventually i was able to move back in with her. For a very long time after this happened, i was terrified that it would happen the same way again and she would succeed at killing herself. If she hadnt picked me up within 10 minutes of school letting out, i would freak out, thinking "did something happen? did she forget to pick me up or did she try to kill herself again?" I would almost have panic attacts because i was so fearful that the past would repeat itself.

I guess what i am trying to say by writing this post is that suicide attempts affect not only you, but everyone around you. Your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, kids, grandkids, all of them. if you feel suicidal, or you know someone who does, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Its not only your life your changing, its everyone around you.