Just Another Blog Post About My Boring Ole Life!

TRIGGER WARNING.

So another week ends. The same kinda week that ends every Saturday evening. This Saturday is no different. I woke up, looked in the mirror and said "Geez your huge. you shouldn't eat today." i didn't eat very much today. after i ate the only thing i had today, i did something that slightly shocks me. i went to my safe, and pulled a box of laxatives out. i read on the back of the box how many is a normal dose for an adult and took twice what it said. Now im just waiting for them to kick in. within the past hour, i have been extremely tempted to take even more. These actions shock the healthy side of chelsea. the unhealthy part, which is the biggest part, couldnt care less.

My mom is one i have looked up to my whole life. Right now i know she is struggling a lot. She has gained weight and although i have noticed that she is not able to do the things she used to, i still love her tons and her weight changes nothing for me. However, i can tell that she is unbelievably unhappy about her weight and her size. she has started buying diet pills and exercise machines and other weight loss things. She doesnt want to leave the house because she feels as if she is the most ugly thing on the planet and NEEDS to stay in the house all day. Im worried. we've been through this before. Something always happens. When it does, she stops everything. She stops taking her medicine, talking to her therapist, going to AA, brushing her hair, taking a shower. she sleeps all day. She is late to pick me up from school. i can always tell when she is depressed, but i dont know what to do except to secretly be worried. I dont want her to stop eating, and honestly im not sure why i think she will, but it scares me. She bought diet pills, i took them from her. i dont want her to be unhappy, but even more than that, i dont want her to have an eating disorder either. Im not even sure if this makes sense. i dont know what to do. Alanon has been in my life in the past (for people who dont know what alanon is, its a program for family and friends of alcoholics. They work the same steps as AA and apply some of the same principles of AA except that they dont have problems with alcohol.) and i thought about going back, but im just not sure that i fit there. I tried to talk to my old sponsor but im just not sure if she gets it......

thats enough of my babbling:) until next time! thanks for reading!
love, chelsealou