First let me say that I am sorry for not posting as much as I'd like to. Second, I would like to apologize to everyone for not being completely honest. I guess I've felt like my life has been too crazy to actually tell people about so I just write the bare minimum. My first post was me saying that I was going to write the truth and nothing else. No sugar coated posts. Most of them in the past have succeeded in that, but the latest ones have not. That ends now.
UPDATE:
I think it's safe to say that I've completely relapsed and I'm honestly not sure i care. August is the start of all of the family birthdays, holidays and everything and it doesn't end until february 27. There are birthdays and holidays every couple of weeks until then and this is the first set without my mom. I guess I am just using this to forget all of the things that are on my mind. its easier to focus on numbers and obsession rather than all the other shit on my mind. Like the fact that my mom is in Heaven without me, my dad is no longer willing or allowed to talk to me anymore, my sisters are not speaking to me either, and I most likely will never see one of my nieces again. All because I took a stand against people sexually assaulting me for the first time in my entire life. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to let people know how messed up I am because of it. Wet since my mom died, its like something in me died with her but I'm still trying to figure out what part it was. I don't know if that makes sense. Ever since this happened, I have been angry and confused and mad at the world and I'm taking it out on myself. Ed has gotten louder and I have gotten quieter. (the part in side me that is healthy, aka me; and the part that is sick, aka Ed) I havent lost a lot of weight, number wise, but if u take into consideration the way I did it and the number of days that it took me to do it, then yes, it's bad and yea that is a good deal of weight.
Also, I got my first tattoo last week. It is the symbol for the National Eating Disorder Association. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't have gotten this tattoo because I'm not in recovery. If your going to get a tattoo that symbolizes recovery, then u have to be willing to be in recovery and I'm not. Anyways, here's a picture:)
